I didn’t. It was awful. My body just shut down. I got physically sick and was in and out of the hospital; my body was just so traumatized. I couldn’t stop throwing up, it was just one thing after another. Ultimately, I think it was just the result of stress–my body manifests stress physically. I was a mess.
After our marriage ended, my parents, who were still living in New Zealand, offered to fly me out there. So I ran away to New Zealand for eight months and it was the best thing in the world for me.
Tell me about those months in New Zealand. Did you learn how to deal with the stress and disappointment?
I went to therapy through LDS Family Services in New Zealand, which was a huge blessing. I had so much support. People in New Zealand are incredible; they’re such a kind people. I spent most of my days reading scriptures and Church books on the beach. I couldn’t have asked for a better place to heal; it brasileiro mulheres sensuais was a huge blessing. My dad always says, “I think it was worth it for me to go on that assignment so that you could go there and heal.” It was exactly where I needed to be.
I can honestly say it took about a year for me to feel like I was going to be okay and for me to regain my hope and realize that I had a bright future. Everyone has a different grieving process; I think mine took longer than most, considering the length of time I was married.
Tell me about the therapy that writing on your blog provided for you.
I started my blog when I was in New Zealand. It was a way for me to find peace with what was going on. Most of my writing was just bearing testimony of what I know and what I have felt. Putting that on paper and actually getting those feelings out was very helpful. I think that’s why bearing your testimony is so powerful: when you express it, it becomes so much more real. It was very therapeutic for me.
Honestly, I didn’t think anyone was reading my blog, but then I started getting feedback from people all over the world saying they were going through similar experiences. I’ve made so many amazing friends–I’ve even had people take the missionary discussions because of my blog. It’s been such a fun adventure.
I’ve gotten so many emails from students at BYU telling me they haven’t told people about their divorce. They’re ashamed of it; they feel it’s completely taboo. I have found so many young people who have gone through divorce; I think I have more divorced friends than anyone in the world! It’s been so helpful for me to have a support group.
Tell me about the people who have investigated the Church as a result of your blog.
The first time it happened, this woman emailed me and said, “I’ve been reading your blog, and I’m going through a very similar situation. I can’t find this hope that you talk about. Where are you finding this faith?” I told her about my beliefs and the gospel and she said that she would like to know more and meet with the missionaries. That was so worth it!
Tell me about your spiritual journey.
I grew up in a Mormon family and was active, but I wouldn’t say that I had a solid testimony. I believed that my parents were good people and I believed that what they believed was true. It was just a way of life for me; that’s what everyone did. What changed my testimony was going through the temple. I will forever be grateful for my marriage because I have been able to attend the temple. When I was married, that’s actually when the gospel fell into place for me and started becoming so important to me. All of a sudden I realized, “I have a family and I want this family to be centered around the gospel and have a firm foundation.” My testimony grew throughout my marriage.