“How to Make Him Chase You” has been (and continues to be) one of my most popular content pieces to date. Since going viral, this content raised some important follow-up questions, one of which I wish to address here.
“Boyfriend benefits” is a term I use frequently in my content and seminars. Men commit to a relationship because they perceive the benefits of doing so – of having you in their life – outweigh the perceived drawbacks of commitment. In other words, he likes being with you more than he likes being single.
The focus, from women, is frequently on sex. “Hold off sex and that will make him want to commit.” Not only does this attitude discredit and ignore the real boyfriend (relationship) benefits you offer a man, but it increases the chance he’ll ghost after sex, because you’ll internalize that you’ve given away ‘the best’.
“Mark, you talk about not giving men all the benefits of a relationship before you’re actually in one. What does that balance look like? I don’t understand how to find that balance without playing hard to get?”
How do you let a man ‘sample’ what it would be like to have you as a girlfriend, without giving away the whole package AND without playing hard to get/holding back?
When you enter a gym, the service staff greet you. To entice you to sign up as a member, they give you a gift. It’s a free pass. A little card that gives you FULL access, but only for a limited number of visits.
Notice, they don’t restrict parts of the gym (e.g., The weights room) and give you free lifetime access to the cardio room or classes. That model wouldn’t work, because people would just pick the parts they liked, stay on the free package, and never upgrade their memberships. The gym would get ‘used’.
The way gyms do it is more intelligent. The free pass you’ve been given means you can experience ALL the benefits of a gym the way a member can, but only members get priority and unrestricted access. That’s how it works, and it’s very effective. It makes people want to sign up.
How to apply this in your life
What does that balance look like? Here’s some practical examples of how a “Unlimited access but limited visits” pass looks compared to a “Limited Access but unlimited visits” pass.
Boyfriend Benefit 1: Support and Love
When he’s around you, he gets a wonderful, caring supporter, who is interested to hear about his life and pick him up when he has the occasional tough day. When your focus is on him, you hold nothing back, just as if you were his girlfriend.
You don’t, however, take on the responsibility of picking him up on a full-time basis. The days you’re not with him, you prioritise other activities, people, and ‘you’ time because you’re aware that, as a man you’re only seeing casually, you’re not his full-time source of love and support.
You’re always ‘on call’ as a good girlfriend would be. He gets used to you dropping whatever you’re doing to support him anytime he is feeling down, coming over on short notice to help him. You put supporting and loving him as one of the highest priorities in your life, even though you’re not in a relationship with him.
Boyfriend Benefit 2: Companionship:
You’re a wonderful companion. When he’s around you, he feels like he has a best friend. You joke, you play, you share experiences. You stay up for hours in bed talking or discussing life. When you’re free, you text each other funny details about your day. You’re everything a guy could want in a best friend. Even though you love it, you’re not there every night. You don’t see him more than a italiensk flickor fГ¶r Г¤ktenskap couple of times a week, again, because you’re not his girlfriend. During the rest of your time, you focus your attention on other friends and activities and keep a healthy balance with other priorities.